Author: Jason Cox

“Please Ms. Smith, tell us, who is your favorite?”  A group of kids crowded the teacher’s desk, each with eager, pleading faces. 

“Is it Emma?” asked Mason, resting his arm on the desk with his hands under his chin. 

“I bet it is Isabella,” Mai said, “or Aiden.”  

Jamal chimed in, “No, it has to be Diego, she always calls on Diego.” 

Lily had a mischievous smile, “I think we all know who it isn’t.” The kids giggled and some glanced to the back of the room to see Alexander hunched over his desk with his arms folded. Alexander glared back at them with a snort.  His wild uncombed hair and scowling face seemed to ignite with anger.  The group crowded Ms. Smith even more and started to laugh.  

Alexander was a troublemaker.  He had a standing reservation in the timeout corner and would stir terror in anyone who even looked at him. “That’s enough of that,” Ms. Smith said sternly, “I told you, no favorites. Now, get back to your seats.”  

“But, please, Ms. Smith, tell us!!” the kids sang in a non-stop chorus.

“All right, all right, I tell you what I’m going to do. I’m not going to tell you now, but if you will all quietly go back to your seats, I will show you tomorrow.”  With a flurry of soft “oohs” and squeals, the children all excitedly scrambled back to their seats to finish their lesson for the day.

The next morning came and there was great anticipation in the room.  Ms. Smith arrived with a box.  She placed it carefully on a chair in the front of the room. “Okay class, I told you I would show you who my favorite is. I have put the answer in this box. I am going to allow all of you to come up and take a look, one by one. But you must keep it a secret. This person is extremely important to me. They are worth more than all the money in the world.  They are full of incredible potential and can do anything that they set their mind to do. I know that with their unique talents, they will even be able to change the world.”

“Mason, let’s start with you.  Please come take a look,” Ms. Smith said.  Mason nearly leaped out of his seat and then suddenly blushed, realizing the whole class was watching for his reaction.  Several kids giggled.  He couldn’t wait to see the answer.  When he looked in the box his mouth dropped opened and a huge grin exploded across his face. He laughed and smiled at Ms. Smith and nearly danced back to his seat.  Jamal was next and he too was stunned and then delighted when he looked into the box. A huge smile and arms waving wildly accompanied him back to his seat as if to celebrate being in on the secret.  Next, Lily paraded up to the front and like those before her, she grinned and giggle and put her hands over her mouth in surprise. Then came Isabella, Aiden, Mai, Emma, and Diego.  One by one, every child in the class came to the front to see inside the box, each returning to their seats delighted, excited and giddy as if they had all received a secret prize.  

A hush came over the class.  It was Alexander’s turn.  They all stared at him.  His bitter face and folded arms seemed to suggest he wouldn’t be participating.  But to everyone’s surprise he stood up.  Gasps were heard as he slowly marched up to the front, still with arms folded and an enormous frown.  Then, he looked down into the box.  

Stunned!  His frown split and his mouth opened up wide. Peering down into the black box he saw two wide dark brown eyes staring back at him. He gazed into those eyes, unbelieving for a minute before realizing what the teacher had done.  It was a mirror!  A chuckle formed in his throat and he looked up at the teacher who was beaming a full face smile back at him.  She nodded as if to say, Yes, it is you, Alexander!  The chuckle turned to a lump in his throat.  He turned to see the class, all eyes beaming back at him with smiles of joy and acceptance as if they had all joined a secret club.  For the first time in a long time, Alexander felt included.  In that moment, he belonged. He smiled back at them.  

“Clap, clap, clap,” a round of cheering and applause began to fill the little classroom.  Alexander couldn’t take it any longer.  Big tears welled up in his eyes and started streaming down his dirty face.  He tried to hide them at first and even batted them away but they kept coming.  He sheepishly grinned and looked up at Ms. Smith.

“Class, now you know,” Ms. Smith said smiling, dabbing away at the tears in her own eyes too, “You are all important.  You are all worth more than all the money in the world.  Each one of you is unique and full of possibility. Your future is limited only by what you saw in the box. That’s right, YOU! Give yourself permission to unlock your potential, and go change the world!”

“Everything changes and nothing stands still.” – Heraclitus

When I was a teenager, my family would often drive up to the northeast corner of Oklahoma to go canoeing.  It was always early in the morning when the dew was thick on the leaves.  The cool crisp air would be slowly warming to the rising sun.  We would grab our paddles and slide our boat into the river.  I should probably put quotes around “river” as there were times during the hot and dry springs that these were more like tiny creeks or streams.  In any case, you never knew what you would find.  Parts of the journey would be peaceful, quiet and serene. The water would become still like a mirror.  You could hear your own breathing and the birds chirping in the distance.  There was very little effort needed to keep going forward.  You could sit back and rest, soaking in the quiet peacefulness as the canoe glided by itself through the smooth silvery surface of the deep.  

Then it would happen.  A distant roar would begin to break the silence.  “Rapids ahead!” someone would yell to wake up the crew.  The growing growl soon was accompanied by the sound of churning and splashing water.  The noise became real. The white mist and foam of the rapids was upon us. My heart began to beat faster as the speed of the canoe accelerated toward the sound.  Scrape!  The shallowing speeding water suddenly exposed rocks and gravel that grabbed at the bottom of the canoe.  It would veer to the left, then to the right as it collided with the relentless currents and moss covered rocks.  “Paddle!”  Adrenaline was high as we paddled to steer clear of the obstacles that would quickly flip or split the canoe.  About the time we navigated the last biggest challenge we would round the bend to see a fallen tree blocking our passage.  What do you do?!  Around it, over it or under it?   Most of the time we managed to go around it with vigorous paddling, but there was a time or two where we decided to see how much of the river we could fit in the canoe to ride with us.  In any case, it would soon be over.  Down the stream we would go.  Soon the sound of the rapids would begin to fade behind us as the river smoothed out again.  Breathe.  Relax.  We made it!   

Change is the current of life.  We never know what we will encounter.  There will be unexpected events.  Moments of bliss and joy will land on us like dew.  At other times, the noise of the rapids will demand our fast action.  We will encounter obstacles, scrapes, opportunities, turns and bends that may even tip us over at times. Don’t fear, we can do this!  Grab your oar and begin to navigate the stream.  The future is just up ahead!  Let’s make it what we want it to be.  Keep moving forward!  It’s time to paddle.

Words are amazing.  They can be written, thought, spoken or signed.  They are the concrete structures of our abstract thoughts.  Through words, we represent our world, our feelings and our actions.  Sewn together, words mobilize concepts into story and unfold a connection between the author and the reader.  Through words, I can step into your life and you, mine.  I can feel.  I can relate.  I can sense the flow of my own cognitive energy as well as yours.  Words allow me to grasp and challenge the clarity of the moment, the importance of the thought and the landscape on which our relationships are formed.  Through my words, you can see me.  Through your words, I can see you.

Communication is intimate.  When we speak or write words we become vulnerable.  Part of who we are is made accessible to others.  When those words we send are loving and kind, we feel those warm connections and our brain triggers a neurochemical response making us feel more included, connected and wanted.  When those words are cruel, attacking, or demeaning, we feel a surge of anger, exclusion, insecurity or apprehension.  The words we use and how we respond to them can have a profound impact on our health and the health of others.  They form or they destroy our relationships.  They can build bridges or they can declare war.  But worse than harsh words are no words at all.  When there is a lack of communication it sends a signal of detachment, alienation and separation.  Without words, we distance ourselves from others and sever the chance for connection. 

Communication is vital.  I think we often fail to appreciate the gravity of communication and its role in building and maintaining healthy relationships.  Understanding and connecting to each other is paramount to living a rewarding life and accomplishing our business and personal goals.  We all seem to intuitively know that.  Yet surprisingly, we often fail at communicating, or at least, communicating well.  Have you ever been in a situation where it was clear that there was a misunderstanding but you failed to speak up?  Have you ever thought to yourself that you should reach out to someone to encourage them, but you didn’t follow through?  Or perhaps, you knew there was a difficult conversation that you needed to have, but you just didn’t have the time or courage to do it?  I can relate to those situations and more.  It is vital to communicate, but it doesn’t mean it is easy.

Communication is an investment.  It takes time and energy.  Yes, it is even risky, after all, because it means we become vulnerable.  But it is worth it.  Words are powerful and the dividends are healthy, vibrant and growing relationships.  As my friend, Jeff Gallimore always says, “Sharing is caring!”  Spend some time this week caring for others by communicating.  Share some feedback with kindness.  Make someone’s day by giving some encouragement.  Make the investment.  Connect with others through this miracle we call words. 

“Integrity, honesty, trust, respect, playing by the rules, and teamwork define the operating principles of our Company.” – Bob Iger

It was a tiny three-bedroom house in an older community in Tulsa.  Our small family of three just expanded to four so we welcomed graduating from the tiny apartment to this small single-family home.  Sure, it was a modest place but we loved it.  We had people over. Birthdays, holidays and family gatherings were hosted there.  But while memories were being made, sadly, cracks were forming.  Literally.  It started with some windows that would no longer open, doors that would not close and eventually graduated to full-inch sized cracks in the wall!  What was happening?  Our first home was literally breaking apart around us.

As you probably guessed, it was the foundation.  The house had been built on fill and the support under it was crumbling away.  We were devastated.  We called a foundation repair company who came to fix our broken home. After days of digging, piering and preparing they were finally ready for the fix.  In unison, the workers had assembled around the house and simultaneously activated the ratchets to lift the foundation.  “One, Two, Three… Lift!”  Pow!   It was like a miracle.  We watched all the gaps in the wall close.  The windows worked gain and we could even close the door.

Integrity is a foundational principle.  Our lives, our relationships, and our companies are built upon this foundation.  To me, integrity is like a three-dimensional representation of honesty.  On one axis, it says we seek truth even when it is inconvenient or painful.  Integrity piers deep to find bedrock truth.  On another axis, it demands reliability in word and deed.  What we say we believe and will do, we do.  The concrete of integrity is commitment and dependability. On another axis, it says that we are consistent, single faced rather than two-faced.  We believe, we speak, we do in a unifying way that is honest, truthful and genuine. Wind, water, earthquakes and storms will rage against integrity, but it stands firm, consistent and true.  When integrity is in place, the structures of our lives, society and businesses can be built with speed and confidence.  When it isn’t there, cracks form.  Doors close. Windows of opportunities are locked shut.  Progress stops.

How is your foundation?  I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  We all fail.  There are cracks in our foundation.  We fib to ourselves and others.  At times, we can be lazy or lacking in our commitments.  But we don’t have to stay there!  We can start over.  We can change course and ratchet up the integrity in our lives.   When we do, we activate a powerhouse of dependability, stability and resilience that we can build on.  

Integrity establishes a firm foundation on which we can shape our future, our relationships, our society and our world.  The ground is full of false narratives, inconsistencies, lies and disappointments.  Don’t build your life on that shifting sand.  Anchor yourself to the rock of truth.  Be relentlessly honest with yourself and others.  Be the consistent you that you can be.  Stay the course and keep the faith.  It will inspire others to do the same. “One, Two, Three… Lift!”  Let’s close the gaps.

“I allowed myself to be bullied because I was scared and didn’t know how to defend myself. I was bullied until I prevented a new student from being bullied. By standing up for him, I learned to stand up for myself.” – Jackie Chan

Bullies.  They can show up anywhere.  In school, I had my fair share of encounters.  I have to admit, I was an easy target.  I wasn’t always the fine human specimen of physical strength that I am today.  Ok, I’m not today either, but you get the point. Bullies looked for easy prey and I was easy to be found, hanging out in the science lab, at the computer table or in the journalism class.  Somehow, I offended them in how I looked or what I said and it was time for a beating.  “After school, Cox, I’m coming after you!”  Despite my lack of athleticism, it turns out that I was a pretty good runner.  But running away from bullies never made them go away.  They always came back.  I was a ripe canvas for their artisan craft of black eyes, knuckle sandwiches, name calling and wedgies.

I’m sure many of you have similar stories of bullies. When I was young, I naively thought I would outgrow the curse of bullying.  Surely there are no adult bullies.  Wow, was I wrong!  It changes form and becomes sophisticated and sometimes even cloaked, but it is still there.  I saw it in college.  It showed up at the job, on the internet, in corporate at high ranking positions, in government with senior officials and of course, even on a global scale on the world stage. 

To this day I have a strong visceral reaction to bullying.  My life experience has made me passionately sympathetic with the victims.  I can’t help but call it out when I see it and find myself moving to help at an instinctual level.  I believe many of us are the same way.  Looking at our human family across the planet, we see the profound reaction by people all over the globe.  In the Russia and Ukraine conflict, there has been an overwhelming unity in the response to the action of one tyrannical bully set on the destruction of a smaller neighbor.  I can’t stop thinking about it.  I am grieved by the loss of life that we see unfold, impacting both Russian and Ukrainian soldiers and families.  Bullies bring war, and war brings misery.

What turns people into bullies?   Sure, I heard it all my life… You need to learn how to defend yourself. Teach your friends and your families how to deal with bullies. But what creates a bully?  How can we help eliminate the next generation of bullies?  We need to learn how to turn bullies into defenders, aggressors into protectors, haters into lovers and dividers into peacemakers.

I believe it starts with us.  Don’t be a bully.  We can all fall into the trap of power and personal ambitions without empathy.  What we do impacts others and how they feel.  We all have levels of influence and control. Let’s remind ourselves that our actions have a ripple effects on many others.  Be considerate.  Come to the aid of victims.  Be the person you wish others would be to you.  And in the process,  maybe we can even help bullies see the err of their ways, and change.

“Feedback is the breakfast of champions. – Ken Blanchard

The Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics is on!  My wife absolutely loves watching skating, hockey and curling.   She is glued to the television when any of these come on.  I’ve never been a sports fan of any kind and regularly embarrass my wife and son when I try to talk about any sports.  But I do find the Olympics fascinating.  What impresses me is the level of skill that these Olympians achieve.  I watch the competitions and I’m blown away at how anyone can assess the minute differences between these top-notch athletes.  They are clearly at the top of their game.  Just being there is an accomplishment.  They are the best of the best.  Yet to them, the goal is to still be even better, at least better than their competition and earn the gold medal.

I’m not competitive by nature, but I recognize the power of the rival.  Having someone you compete with can make you better.  You try harder.  You take necessary risks.  You stretch outside of your own comfort zone and go beyond yourself.  You improve.  Your opponent can be a trainer, a friend, a family member or even your own shadow.  You try to step ahead of where they are, envisioning, enduring and exceeding.  You push through obstacles that were limiting you and you level up.  Your rival does the same.  It’s a virtuous improvement loop, constantly taunting you to keep going, try harder, be better.

Who is your rival?  Who challenges you to be better?  A good rival is not necessarily an enemy.  In fact, the best rival can be a friend who gives you the gift of honest feedback.  It can be that mentor who encourages you to use your strengths and challenges you to overcome your weaknesses.  You can even be your own rival.  Challenge yourself.  Do honest self-reviews and grade your own performance.  I often find my biggest critic stares back at me in the mirror every morning.  It is a gift you can give yourself.  And it’s good to have someone else who can be real with you and provide honest feedback.  If you don’t have that, be proactive and ask for it. 

Are you a good rival for someone else?  Do you give honest feedback?  I confess, I default to encouraging with kindness over pointing out flaws.  But providing others with candid and sincere insight is also a gift.  It is a form of encouragement and love, if delivered in the right way.  Be kind.  Give feedback.  It’s an improvement area that I seek for myself and encourage you to do the same.

What am I or we doing wrong?  What can I or we do better?   Many on my team are not shy in giving me answers.  Thank you for that!  I invite all of you to do the same and ask those same questions.  We all get better when we know what we can improve.  Embrace the challenge and be a friendly rival too.

Rivals in Business

The virtue of having a rival in our life to be better also applies to business. Our companies need rivals. Just like personal rivals, corporate rivals force businesses to try harder.  They must invest and take necessary risks or they become obsolete.  They stretch outside of their own operational comfort zones, reinvent themselves and enter new markets. They must improve their ways of working and deliver their products and services with higher quality, efficiency, speed, and relevance. Yes, competition is a threat to a business’s survival. But it’s the existence of that threat that keeps the business alive, innovating, adapting and improving. Embrace competition as a healthy rival… and win.

Now back to the winter Olympics, curling… and Nathan Chen.